Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I am a Cylon Hybrid. And two more things I can do better than you.

Today's #ReverbBroads11 prompt: What are three things you are better at than most people? via Catie at catiecake.wordpress.com

This would be easy, except that, in order to maintain your interest and avoid repeating myself, I should probably stay away from the topics of collecting animals, making lists, abusing caffeine and making wisecracks. Which doesn't actually leave a whole lot else to write about. 
And I'm not sure that exuberant fertility can be considered an actual skill set.

There remain a few stray items remain to consider.

Item #1:
I am the human central computer which powers my family. And I do this way better than my husband and kids, who all have ADHD and can't find their own socks. Perhaps you'll be more impressed if I say that I even do this better than most mere mortal mothers that I know. (The ones who do yoga, meditate and sit peacefully, watching their kids playing.)

Let me elaborate.

Have you ever seen Battlestar Galactica? I am talking here about the 2004 version, not the old, irrelevant one that I have not seen. On the series, the Cylon base ships are powered by special Cylons known as Hybrids which are "specially constructed as living computers that manage the autonomous functions of the basestar, including navigation, propulsion (especially faster-than-light) and climate control." 
I am like that, except without as many tubes.

At any given time, with or without a migraine or sudden attack of fibromyalgia symptoms, I am collecting data and monitoring the status of my family's needs and conditions as to school lunches, long-term projects, extracurricular activities and need for transport thereto, immediate need for clean socks and underwear, dinner menus, shopping lists, prescription refills, and emotional health, as well as a host of other functions. And like Hybrids, I can also do this even from a bath. 

At our house, my husband is the computer genius, but I'm the computer.

Item #2:
I can find deeper meaning in anything. And I can do it without even subscribing to conventional religious beliefs-another one of my superpowers! 

Other people just want to figure out how to make class lists for religious education at our church. I want to figure out what is standing in our way of fulfilling every child's deepest need for authentic religious education. Other people want to buy groceries. I want to discuss what would have to happen to feed everyone in the world while preserving the environment. 
Other people just want to be happy. But I just want to be authentic. (Me and Jean-Paul.)

Item #3:
I can find what's wrong in any given situation. It's a talent, really. 

I'm not an Eeyore. I'm don't typically engage in that kind of maudlin repining one associates with depressives and angsty teenagers. I mean I find what is actually wrong. If you want a critical but empathetic analysis of your relationship skills, I'm your girl. Want to know what is wrong with communication in your organization? Just ask. Why can't you lose weight? You get the idea.

In other words, I'm your worst nightmare. A rabidly organized idealist with an annotated list of your shortcomings. Merry Christmas. 

Oh crap. This is another one of those "I think this is piss" moments.

Image credits:
I stole all of these images from Facebook memes that came through my stream and internet searches for Battlestar Galactica. So sue me.

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Faith in Ambiguity by Tara Adams is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License