Monday, January 2, 2012

How My NaBloPoMo Butt Was Saved Today By Aunt Becky's Meme

Let me start by explaining to you that I currently have a world class migraine. This sad fact should definitely exempt me from any expectations that anyone might have related to my actually posting anything today, NaBloPoMo notwithstanding.

However, even more sadly, I suffer from another chronic disorder, known as Compulsive Integrity Syndrome, the result of which is that it will still not be OK with me to have forgone posting, despite the fact that I can’t see normally out of my right eye and I have forgotten how to spell and understand English. Integrity is an asshole.

But all this is OK now because the brilliant Aunt Becky has posted a meme that I can rip off. It is all part of God’s plan for me. Thank you, Aunt Becky, for helping Jesus do his work.
This is not really Jesus. It's my husband.
1) What does Meme mean?
I have up until now assumed that everyone knows this but me. It is a word that sounds simultaneously pretentiously French and like an office store product. Perfumed French memo pads, perhaps.
2) 2011 – Was it all you’d hoped it would be? 
I can't answer this. I never bother to hope for years to have any overarching theme or progress. This seems like a recipe for disappointment. I can only handle life in week long chunks. This week I have been sick, so it sucked.
3) Did you watch the Royal Wedding?
I totally didn’t. I am the world’s worst girl. I hate princesses, weddings, hats, and TV. I will turn in my vagina tomorrow.
4) Where are your pants?
On my body, and, thanks to the miracle of Topomax, they now fit again. Actually, it’s more like the miracle of being taken off Amytriptaline. One pill makes you larger, one pill makes you small…
5) Is Justin Bieber human or some sort of robot?
I have three boys and no girls, which means all I know about Justine Bieber is that to look like him is to be marked for death. (I believe I may be missing some context.)
6) If you had only one thing to wish for this coming year, what would it be?
I wish that no one in my immediate family will develop any more specific mental or physical ailments. Mostly because I am tired of searching Google for prescription side effects.
7) Would you call yourself a “social media maven?”
Would that imply that I understand the difference between Twitter, Tumblr, a widget and a midget? Short answer: No.
8 ) If you had to take three things to a desert island (let’s assume you have ample food and water), what would they be?
  1. My medications (Oh, I’m sorry, is my fibromyalgia coming, too? ‘Cuz, if not, I’m totally OK without the meds.)
  2. The internet
  3. Awesome knee high socks
9) If you had the ability to banish certain offenses to an island where they would be rehabilitated into being okay again, what would those offenses be?
  1. Misuse of apostrophe s
  2. Watching reality TV
  3. Telling me, when I reference overwhelming observable evidence, that we are all entitled to our opinion
10) How do YOU think the air conditioner works?
My husband puts it in place, turns it on and fixes it when it breaks. That's all I need to know. Except that we don't have air conditioning.
11) Do you ACTUALLY think you can make money blogging?
I am still pretending that this will be possible. Many people believe in things such as Ouija boards, faith healing and the power of positive thinking. I believe in Internet Money Fairies.
12) There’s a lot of talk in the blog world about microblogging (The Tumblr, The Twitter, The Facebook) taking over traditional blogs. Do you think that’s the case?
I am too stupid to comment on this item except to say that I think that microblogging sounds like a clever terrorist scheme to spread Ebola across the internet.
13) If you could give one piece of advice to your younger self, what would it be?
Finish college, you asshole. Stop acting like you have all the time in the world to do whatever you want. You are just about to get sucked into the Mommy Wormhole and you will never get out again. Run for your life!
14) If you could’ve told yourself this time last year one thing, what would it be?
Fasten your seatbelt. Those pains in your joints are not just about to get better. And, by the way, good instinct starting that blog.
15) If you could have one Super Power, what would it be?
Completing an entire day of Google Calendar task lists without getting off the internet.
16) If you could do one thing you can’t currently do, and do it well, what would it be?
Remember how to take photographs. I mean, I got an A in a college Photography class. How is it that I can’t remember what shutter speed, aperture, and F-Stop even mean?
17) What surprises you about yourself?
That, when I allow myself to be self-expressed, I swear like a sailor and dress like a second grade girl stranded on Haight Street. Who knew?
18) What was your favorite blog post/tweet of the past year?
19) Do you REALLY think “Purple Should Be A Flavor?”
No, if purple was a flavor it would just be one more thing I couldn't eat or drink, along with flour, sugar, alcohol and dairy. Who needs it?
20) If you could make one outlandish wish for 2012, what would it be?
I want to be discovered and become a famous writer. Or just famous enough to replace my fast food worker instructional assistant income. Not that I’d quit. I just want to know I can. Because then my job will know I can leave anytime and will really want me, and that will make our relationship hotter and more romantic. I'm totally in it for the romance.


  1. Congrats on posting with a migraine!! Hope you feel better.

  2. I have posted a surprising number of things with migraines, most of them misspelled. Thanks! :)

  3. I hate migraines. I am impressed that you posted with one.

  4. You crack me up!i can totally relate to pretty much every single one of your answers!

    This is the first I have heard of microblogging so I too am obviously too stupid to comment. If it ain't broke don't fix, KWIM?

  5. I always love to read these type of posts because you get to know the writer better. Impressive that you could write all this with a migraine. Good luck with NaBloPoMo! I did it during November and December. Not committing to it in January, but I'm hoping to write almost daily!

  6. @anotherjennifer-Your words and phrases boys utter was hilarious and so true! I'm hooked. I'm excited about NaBloPoMo! I can do almost anything with a migraine as long as I can do it with a vacant stare and word retrieval problems. :) A couple of days ago, it got too bad to write, but usually I can write through a migraine. I can't learn or listen to shit though. Just upload my brain.


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