Tuesday, January 24, 2012

If We All Twitter, the Terrorists Win.

It is 6 A.M., I am still clutching my first cup coffee, barely conscious, and tremendously vulnerable, perhaps half-asleep. So I am choosing now to make a public confession.

I want to be a blogger, but I am afraid of html.

I shrink from it it the way other people run from spiders, as if it might suddenly writhe and clamber from my screen and onto my body, perhaps embedding itself under my skin like scabies.

The result is that blog looks like it was designed by five year-old monkeys with glue sticks and scissors, and I am getting more and more stressed out that I will be picked up by the authorities and put down for lack of effort.

There's more: I want to be a well-known writer, but I loathe social networking.

If finding something compelling to say in 140 characters isn't the world's most oppressive form of small talk, please tell me what is? I am terrible at small talk. I begin all social interactions with a rousing discussion of politics, religious freedoms and personal overshares.

In essence, I do not want to pick through columns of thumbnails to select human beings whose association with me may prove most socially profitable.

I do not want to to check my Klout score to ascertain my sway and influence over others on the internet.

Because if I do this, the terrorists have won.

We did not make Chinese immigrants build the railroads so that I could spend hours on the project of my personal popularity. Nor did we displace countless nations of American Indians so that I could learn how to insert a widget onto my blog correctly.

We did it so that educated white men could control all the resources.

So, while I continue to do a half-assed job at the jobs of the development and promotion of my blog, please keep in mind that I am doing it to protect the greatness of America.

You're welcome.

Photo Credit: Flickr


  1. If this becomes the manifesto or mission statement for some sort of club, I would like to join it.

    1. ...and THAT is how we will become great!!!!

  2. Hahaha!!! Love this!! Does that mean that I am your arch enemy with my wild obsession? Well, it's not really an obsession as much as a profession. Well.. maybe it is.

    You just keep writing thousands of words and I will keep my ADD happy by tweeting away...


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