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| Photo credit: NASA |
It is easier to send news from outside the eye of a hurricane. It is also easier to write blog posts after a fibromyalgia pain flare has passed. Inside the storm–inside the flare–everything just feels like thoughts flying by with the violence of gale force gusts, jagged bits of reality that might just impale me. There is nothing but confusion and a blur of wet, fast-moving color. Moving, breathing, thinking and feeling HURT.
And nothing is really getting done but this: Go to work. Breathe in. Wash this dish. Lift this hamper. Breathe out. Don't cry. Make food. Breathe in. Check email. Breathe out.
This is not one of those "Pain is providing a resource for her art" sort of things. I don't think people want to read posts day after day about what specifically my pain feels like or what sorts of depressing thoughts I am having about life as a result of my pain.
Horrifyingly, I think I listed this for NaBloPoMo as a "humor" blog. And none of this is occurring as terribly funny to me right at this moment.
So–here's the question. If I can get past the "just surviving this day" part of the cycle, what do you want from me? How can I somehow use this fracked up experience I am having to amuse, inspire or educate other people? If I know someone is reading me and that people actually want or need something from me, it will help me immeasurably.
This would be a good time to comment. Deafening silencing will probably depress the Hell out of me. No pressure.
Try to make one beautiful thing every single day. Some days, that'll be what you craft on this blog; even words about pain can be searingly beautiful. But string beads, or cut paper, or take a photo, or knit a row--something beautiful every day, so when it feels like pain has stopped time and you'll never get out of the hurricane, you'll have something to look at that shows the passage of time, and gives you pleasure.
ReplyDeleteGood advice. Maybe I will learn to knit hats for my ducks. :)
DeleteI find everything you write inspiring and interesting. Sometimes you are hilarious ! I dont know what advice to give you other than to say you should keep doing it ! I share some of the things you write with other people and they enjoy them as well. Feel Better !!!! - Keith
ReplyDeleteThanks. It means a lot. :)
DeleteYou will find it best to write authentically and not for an audience. Bloggers love to read authentic blogs, they don't necessarily buy all the happy, funny, my life is wonderful bloggers all the time. Yes, they pop in on some of them but you will find that the bloggers that connect are the ones that open up. Now, you get to decide how open you want to be and remember everything you write is public but my point is make your blog authentic and write what you want. If you are not feeling funny and you need to talk about pain then write it, you will be amazed at how many people you touch with your real story. My sister has fibromyalgia and I see her struggles and I hope you are having a better day because I know that not one day is without pain.
ReplyDeleteThanks, finding a balance between remembering this isn't just a diary–at least not if I want people to read it–and getting overly worried about what would be entertaining to others can be hard.
DeleteBeing sort of obligated to write (by myself) forces me to try and find the beauty or find the funny in everything. Some days I freak when I just haven't found it yet.
What do I want from you? Nothing. Well, that's not true. I would like you to guest post for me on Leap Blog day. But nothing else. By that I mean I am making no demands. Chronic pain is demanding enough. Parenting, being a spouse, being an intelligent person in this 21st century are demanding enough. I'm assuming that is part of the reason for this blog - to release some steam from those demands - to express some opinions, find some funny, think some things through. Nope. No extra demands from me - except that you take it easy on yourself and do what you do best and it will find its way into your writing.
ReplyDeleteI would LOVE to guest post for you! (She says, now becoming deeply paranoid about whether she can write something good enough to deserve a guest post spot on your blog.) Oh, and thanks for not needing me to do any dishes for you. ;)
DeleteYay! Thank you! And puh-lease.
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