|Photo credit: NASA|
It is easier to send news from outside the eye of a hurricane. It is also easier to write blog posts after a fibromyalgia pain flare has passed. Inside the storm–inside the flare–everything just feels like thoughts flying by with the violence of gale force gusts, jagged bits of reality that might just impale me. There is nothing but confusion and a blur of wet, fast-moving color. Moving, breathing, thinking and feeling HURT.
And nothing is really getting done but this: Go to work. Breathe in. Wash this dish. Lift this hamper. Breathe out. Don't cry. Make food. Breathe in. Check email. Breathe out.
This is not one of those "Pain is providing a resource for her art" sort of things. I don't think people want to read posts day after day about what specifically my pain feels like or what sorts of depressing thoughts I am having about life as a result of my pain.
Horrifyingly, I think I listed this for NaBloPoMo as a "humor" blog. And none of this is occurring as terribly funny to me right at this moment.
So–here's the question. If I can get past the "just surviving this day" part of the cycle, what do you want from me? How can I somehow use this fracked up experience I am having to amuse, inspire or educate other people? If I know someone is reading me and that people actually want or need something from me, it will help me immeasurably.
This would be a good time to comment. Deafening silencing will probably depress the Hell out of me. No pressure.