Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I am like the virgin at the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

It remains very mystifying to figure out how to promote my writing, but all the methods suggested seems to have something to do with putting a badge or ad on my site. So soon, my blog is going to look like a Cub Scout. And still somehow, hardly anyone will be reading it. Which means the badges aren't doing what they are supposed to do; attracting readers like web-based pheromone patches.

There is a major flaw in the idea of writing as a career: Writers are good at writing, not sales. If they were good at sales, they wouldn't be writers, they would be assholes.

At least if I was an erotic massage therapist, I'd know my work was appreciated.  I probably should have done that as a sideline instead. I need to be appreciated. Writers are terribly insecure. We pretty much need people to follow us around the house congratulating us for getting dressed and breathing in and out consistently. It is a pain in the ass for my husband, so I have trained the dog to pursue me gushingly everywhere I go. (Actually, this required no training.)

This is just another example of my experience of having missed out on the Instruction Manual for How to Survive Life. I now fear that getting it right will have something to do with understanding hash-tags, which I believe are either special gift labels used for breakfast potatoes or something to do with cannabis resin.

I am like the virgin at the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Photo by Alex Erde


  1. Here is what I am learning: You have to be kind of a pushy asshole, but in a self deprecating way. Use social media sites, even if (especially if) you don't really know what you're doing. Read a lot of blogs, leave good comments, and then wait for people to follow your comments back to your site. Guest blog. Post frequently. Participate in NaBloPoMo (in fact, that's how I came across you, I saw you in the blogroll!). I'm a fairly new blogger, and it's such a tough thing - do you know how many blogs are out there? And how many good writers? You've hooked me, and I look forward to following you!

  2. The last time I had a job where I had to be a pushy asshole I was nineteen going door to door for the Sierra Club and I quit after a week. Oh, well, I can at least crack wise about hating it. ;) I look forward to reading your stuff, too, Kelly.

  3. I hear you. It's hard to self promote without coming off an an asshole

  4. I'm struggling with this too- maybe we should form a support group. If only I wasn't so adverse to actually reading directions on how to do things...maybe I would have figured out a few things by now! Like how to paste the code from Google analytics on my page. Anyone know how to do that?

  5. We SHOULD have a support group! All of this makes me feel stupid. So I feel like a stupid asshole. And then I start wondering if I'm just like this 5 year old showing everyone my dumb stick figures and saying "Look at me! Look at me!"

    So basically blogging is not necessarily a huge self-esteem builder. :)But something about it is compelling. Maybe in the same way that masturbation is compelling...

  6. Can I just say that I love this: "Writers are good at writing, not sales. If they were good at sales, they wouldn't be writers, they would be assholes."

  7. @weeklyjoy-How you do the Google Analytics thing is you ask you husband to please paste into your html. If that doesn't work, I'm not sure what to suggest. It worked for me.

    @Sunshine and Shadows-It's funny because it's true. ;)


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