On Dead Beavers, Feline Gremlin Attacks and Herman Cain

I cannot think of anything coherent to write for you this Saturday, so, after torturing myself by attempting to wrap my mind around several subjects which went nowhere, I have decided to share several random thoughts with you, which are of great interest to me.

• There was a beautiful woman in Trader Joe's today wearing a hat that looked like a dead beaver. The dead beaver was arranged so that its lifeless limbs dangled on either side of her cheekbones. I believe these were intended to be something like straps. She was otherwise nicely dressed, but behaved quite aggressively in the crowded aisles, very nearly elbowing aside aging hippies to get to the evening primrose oil–that kind of thing. Trader Joe's is an interesting place.


• I have discovered that there is a place on my cat's back, where if he is scratched, he suddenly becomes a vicious, snarling attack gremlin. It is 100% reliable in all tests that I have done that scratching here will produce this behavior. If I stop scratching there, he returns to purring in a relaxed fashion but waves his tail menacingly to warn against future scratch attacks. I tried to get a picture of this for you, but my cat became distressed by the presence of the camera and ran off set during the photo shoot. You will have to take my word for it.


• My whole family has become obsessed with Bad Lip Reading videos. They have changed our lives. Thanks to "tangledlou" of Periphery for sparking this particular inferno of mental lollygagging. (If you haven't seen these, you won't understand what the fuck I am talking about. However, that is probably normal for my readers. That said, go watch them all right now!) We are so enamored that I am now waking up and saying to my husband by way of morning greeting, "We ain't never had this–an old, rotten eagle's nest." to which he replies, "Jackpot, fishy poopy pants! You're gonna wish you could buy me a tin cup for all these nickels. I'll get you!" My fourteen year old says to me while clearing the table, "If you refuse, I'll haunt your prostate." and my sixth grader periodically interjects into conversation the statement: "That's why the thick, Spartan women are so important."

Somehow, in the Land of Faith in Ambiguity, random absurdity makes sense in a way that institutional religion, organizational theory and politics just don't. So, thank you for reading me. It's nice to know someone wants to engage with you at all when you dislike simple solutions, institutions and small talk and instead prefer to spend your time writing and thinking about humor on the approximate level of Pig Latin for adults.

"Everybody needs Toucan Stubs." Have a nice weekend.